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Glee - Season 2 Episode 5 - “The Rocky Horror Glee Show” 

I stole this screencap from the A.V. Club, because, how could I NOT?

Also, to anyone who follows this up with a comment that looks anything like, “Well if you don’t like it, stop watching!!11,” I. WILL. FIGHT YOU.

It’s a funny thing, going into Ryan Murphy episodes in state of absolute dread. The man gave this show life, but he seemingly has no qualms about destroying it from the inside. It’s his modus operandi, but at least in the cases of Popular and Nip/Tuck, it was all 100% his material to destroy. Glee has the added factor of 1.) being Ian Brennan’s idea in the first place and 2.) having other’s “creations” (and yes, I realize Britney Spears, for example, is really the creation of music writers, marketing teams, and shock value, but you should know what I mean — the brand of Britney Spears and her as a performer) to toy with.

Considering how all three writers share the responsibility of telling the Glee story*, you’d think that they’re also take turns in the big event episodes — especially after how critically-panned “The Power of Madonna” was for its introduction of the ‘music before story’ approach (an approach “Britney/Brittany” took to the next level, even with adding a non-Britney song as a bookend) to Glee. So it’s surprising that Ryan Murphy is still taking charge of these particular episodes.

Then again, if Brad Falchuk were given the Super Bowl episode, for example, he’d probably kill off Burt to the sounds of Rachel confusingly and inappropriately belting “Streets of Philadelphia,” and it would be the most depressing musical tribute episode ever, thus stopping all tribute episodes on Glee and any television show.

…

Actually, on second thought, I’d love for that to happen. Sorry, Burt. Sorry, Springsteen. Sorry, Universe.

This episode will also make Ryan two for two on gimmick episodes this season — we have yet to see what a typical Glee episode from Ryan will be like in season two. Not that there’s anything “typical” about any Ryan Murphy episode (of anything), but you know what I mean.

*I’m sorry, but if you don’t believe in the 3 Glee’s theory, I find you absolutely hopeless, and I suggest you just stop reading this. I don’t even know why you’re reading this. Might I direct you to Fuck Yeah Glee (Ship) Secrets? I’m sure you’ll enjoy it there.**

**Ryan Murphy brings out the bitch in me.***

***The condescending nature is always there though.

On my first viewing, I didn’t completely hate the episode. Yes, I hated Will (he won the Worst Character EVER award for this week, as he tends to do with episodes where Artie’s not the worst — but Artie was an extremely close second, even with just a few lines), but I was somewhat relieved that the Rocky Horror musical within the episode was intentionally bad. I think. That’s what I got out of it. I hope. And I found it refreshing for Finn to have a storyline outside of Kurt, Rachel, and grilled cheese…until I remembered how annoying it is that he is so. damn. insecure. (He has his popularity that he realized wasn’t all that important in the grand scheme of things in the PILOT EPISODE. Why is he so obsessed with the acceptance of his peers? Why hasn’t Ryan Murphy left this show yet?) And I remembered how worried I was by the news of Cory Monteith working his ass off to lose weight and get those lovely abs for this episode awhile back (even though it wasn’t nearly as bad as what Mark Salling went through a the beginning of the first season). And I was happy that most of the characters were written as something other than horrible…but then I realized most of the other characters had absolutely anything to do, so of course they weren’t awful. But then again, I didn’t go into “The Rocky Horror Glee Show” with the same expectations as I had for “Britney/Brittany.”

Prior to the episode, it didn’t so much upset me that this episode and these covers would be many people’s first exposure to The Rocky Horror Picture Show as it did that there are people who will (and from what I’ve read, do) actually find this episode superior to the original stage show and film. At its very best (which isn’t great, I assure you), “The Rocky Horror Glee Show” is a cheap homage (if you squint?) to its predecessors, and at its worst, it’s a bastardization and a spit in the face of anyone who actually cares about the spirit of Rocky Horror. A bit extreme? Yes. Inaccurate? I don’t really think so.

I grew up watching The Rocky Horror Picture Show on VH1 with my mom every Halloween. I have an awful memory as it is, but I’m pretty sure I had absolutely no idea what was going on by the time the movie got to the third act (and to tell the truth, I just watched the movie on Sunday, and I can still pretty much say the same thing). I did eventually figure out that the third act is about a hop, skip, and a jump away from soft-core porn, which sure as hell isn’t going to happen on any network show. But since I’ve come to realize that my story of childhood memories of yearly Rocky Horror viewings (despite the maturity of the film) is a story that a lot of other people can relate to, it’s even more ridiculous that it has to be completely sanitized for a show that is pretty much a caricature of a family show (which, if people actually read the very good GQ article instead of just looked at the shiny pictures and complained about the corruption caused by 24-28 year olds being 24-28 year olds instead of the corruption caused by a perverted man who shouldn’t even still be working in the first place, they’d know that was pretty much Ryan’s intent). The demo they’re trying to censor this all for is the same demo that thinks Miley Cyrus and Taylor Swift are role models.

Don’t you just love it when I bring the social commentary? Pretty soon I’ll be talking about “back in my day” and the crazy noise the whippersnappers today call “music.” 

The one thing I can’t completely fault Ryan Murphy on (but don’t worry, he still has quite a bit of fault) is the Frank-n-Furter situation. In case you were unaware, The Stamos was originally supposed to take on that role, but Fox made Murphdalurph scrap that plan and stick with a female, because…trannies are bad and the reason for the decay of the American family? Blah blah blah Rocky Horror is about outcasts blah blah blah but no transsexuals allowed. Yeah, sometimes I forget this show’s on Fox too (if Glee were on FX, we’d have had transsexuals by the third episode, if not sooner), and the move to 8 PM really didn’t help the case. But fear not, gentle readers — there’s still a place to blame Ryan Murphy in this mess. I don’t need to hear Mercedes scream (seriously, that’s what the entire song sounds like to me, and there’s a reason this song is one of the five Glee songs I will ALWAYS skip on iTunes) about being from “sensational Transylvania,” either. I’m not up in arms about having a female Frank-n-Furter, but I am tired of screaming Mercedes (even if I do giggle and say “key change!” every time she starts screaming in “Don’t Stop Believin’ 2.0), and this really is not a song you scream. I will say this every chance I get, but Santana should’ve been Francine-Furter.

Yep, Francine-Furter is what I’m calling this whole mess now.

I can already hear the shouts of hardcore Gleeks (who really are about as shallow as it comes) in protest to my obvious decision to write-off Amber Riley in this role due to her appearance as compared to girls like Lea and Dianna (and this criticism would probably come from those Gleeks who dedicate a considerable amount of time posting about Lea Michele’s legs and Dianna Agron’s…blondeness?). Now, I’m obviously not saying a woman can’t play this role. “If you can dream it, be it,” after all. But even diluted and “family friendly,” the role of Frank-n-Furter/Francine-Furter needs to ooze sex appeal and sensuality. And it’s subtle, which is something Amber Riley’s Glee songs rarely exhibit. This is the only way Francine-Furter can still somehow work. When you hear this song, you should want to have dirty hot sex (sorry, kiddies) with the singer, male/female/undecided/WHATEVER – you don’t even need to know what they look like beforehand. Just hearing the Glee version made me want to swear off sex even more than usual.

Yeah, sorry for the over share, but it needed to be said.

So because I touched upon it earlier, I need to go further into the fact that Will Schuester is not only one of the worst characters the show, but he’s one of the worst characters on television right now. And television has meth dealers as likable protagonists. When Glee began, I truly believe Will cared about the kids in the glee club, despite his misguided ways (disco, rapping, inappropriate student-teacher relations, etc.). In the pilot, when Terri tells him he’s just trying to vicariously relive his glory days, I, like the rest of us, believed that she was just overreacting because she was insane (really, she’s one of the sanest — albeit, woefully misguided — people on this show when you think about it), but there has been so much since then that completely supports her statement.

Let’s take a tally, shall we:

• Gets jealous that The Stamos “made [Emma] better”
• Figures that if he had just taken Emma to Rocky Horror, that would’ve ‘fixed’ her (and hey, if her being ‘fixed’, would lead to him getting laid, I’m sure he’d be ecstatic)
• Lies about his love of Rocky Horror to get on Emma’s good side
• Completely misses the point of Rocky Horror due to his own self-absorption
• Presumably takes the fall musical away from the DRAMA club
• Completely disregards the kids’ initial protests that Rocky Horror is too inappropriate for school
• THINKS ROCKY HORROR IS AN APPROPRIATE SHOW FOR ANY SCHOOL
• Allows Finn and Rachel to be Brad and Janet without auditions or the opinions of the other glee club members, who already have to double up
• “Auditions, schmauditions. This isn’t a gleeocracy — it’s a gleetatorship.” – me
• Makes the kid in the wheelchair be the character in the wheelchair
• Suggests the effeminate gay kid plays the transsexual
• Completely disregards how uncomfortable Sam is in his Rocky costume (and only mentions it in his “reasoning” behind replacing Sam as Rocky)
• Removes Sam from the Rocky role as: a way to have a macho-pissing contest with The Stamos AND a way to get Emma to want him
•  Goes after another man’s girl, especially after explicitly promising that he wouldn’t (here’s a wild thought – it’s possible that not everyone likes to cheat on their significant others)
•  Gave Kurt’s GREAT Riff-Raff parts in “Time Warp” to Finn (which, okay, Cory actually sounded good, but STILL – when WON’T Will screw Kurt over?)
• Thought the kids’ performances were actually good
•  Proven wrong about everything by Sue yet again
• Didn’t keep his shirt off the entire episode
• Didn’t have chocolate for Becky
• Didn’t step down from his position as glee club director and hand it over to The Stamos, who has already shown to care more about the kids than Will does
• Didn’t shut that Mercedes/Francine-Furter mess DOWN
• Lacked the qualities of anything resembling likability
• Kicked a puppy <== on the cutting room floor, but I swear it happened

Feel free to add more to this list.

When it really comes down to it, this is not a good tribute episode, and it’s not even a good episode. It’s not necessarily a trainwreck, because it’s really too dull to be. It’s nowhere near as over the top as it should be, which is extremely surprising given the circumstances. For all my loathing of “Britney/Brittany,” that was an episode that went big. And on a personal level, this kind of episode is my greatest fear – I’m currently in the process of writing a spec episode script for Glee, and because of the focus and set-up, I know it’s definitely the type of episode that would be seen in Ryan Murphy’s “big episode extravaganza” Glee. Scary, I know.

And what did any of the characters gain from this episode? Finn and Will were the only ones with anything at stake, and I can assure you Finn will be every bit as obsessed with his status as he was before, and Will will never not be self-absorbed. So why couldn’t we put the focus on characters like Tina, who I would have no problem believing would be into Rocky Horror, or Quinn, who I’m curious to know why she would even know anything about the show given her upbringing, or Kurt, since I would say Chris Colfer was one of the few actually truly into making this episode (especially considering how many of the cast have even said they just don’t “get” Rocky Horror).

Alright, that’s all I need to say about Glee until the next episode in two weeks. Discuss amongst yourselves.

-LaToya (ironicalness)

Glee - Season 2 Episode 4 - “Duets”

I categorize my enjoyment of an episode of Glee by the ratio of the number of rants I have to give in my review to the number of positive points. This week, I have three and a half rant points, but only only one of them was the result of watching the episode — the rest were the result of reading various fan reaction after the fact.

So basically, I really enjoyed this episode.

Rachel and Finn seemed to have successfully exorcised their demons (for this week, at least) from their bodies, and reminded me of the characters I once loved and sort of liked well enough, respectively (sorry Finnocence). I only felt the urge to vomit twice during “Don’t Go Breaking My Heart” — drummer!Finn and Brad the piano player lowered that number drastically — and they lead to one of my favorite moments ever, shown above in screencap form.

I had never heard “With You, I’m Born Again” prior to this episode, and I actually had to check to make sure it wasn’t somehow related to The Thornbirds. But the first time I watched this scene, my facial expressions were equal parts Quinn’s reaction to this performance, Quinn’s (Dianna Agron makes some good faces, okay?) reaction to Finn’s Christ love in “Grilled Cheesus,” Mercedes’ “This isn’t happening,” and Rachel’s crazy eyes in “Run Joey Run.”

Why do I have this song on repeat on iTunes right now?

Between Rachel’s ignorance and Finn’s idiocy, watching these two fools scheme was actually funny. There, I said it.

Their plan wasn’t even good, but even without having a subplot of his own, Will Schuester continued to be completely inept as a teacher and a functioning human being by not informing the kids that they shouldn’t vote for themselves (which they all did, except for Finn and Rachel). Then again, that is the only realistic way any rendition of “Lucky” could beat Santana/Mercedes’ “River Deep, Mountain High” and Tina/Mike’s “Sing!”. And “Victor/Victoria” still isn’t a duet, even if I love that Kurt’s middle name is Elizabeth. (I’m not mentioning the final duet, because that involves the controversial discussion of Lea Michele as the second coming of Barbra, me wanting to touch Rachel and Kurt’s outfits, and a lot of other things Tumblr Watches TV just isn’t ready for.

Plus there were only 11 members in the episode, so unless Will was planning to pull another “Endless Love” out of his hat, he’s really just an idiot.

Puck — the missing member — was in juvie this episode for doing something badass (don’t even try to deny it), because either:

• Mark Salling parties too hard and is being punished
• Mark Salling did not clearing the musical stylings (of Mark Salling) with FOX and is being punished
• Mark Salling got upset about Naya Rivera bustin’ the windows out his non-existent Lexus…and is being punished
• Mark Salling is a good person and it’s a family-related absence 

Those four seem to be the general rumor mill answers, even though I just made up that third point (hire me, Us Weekly?). I do choose to believe that Puck is actually pulling a fast one on all of them and is in Offscreenville being an adorable and nursing an ailing relative. St. Puck the (Jewish) Patron Saint of Badassery (thank you, “Grilled Cheesus”) would do that, so…it’s pretty much canon.

And now for the thing that only merits half a rant point: “Is Mark Salliing still on the show?”. Yes, he is, and you’re an idiot. (“Why was his name in the opening credits?” He’s a regular cast member, his absence from the episode doesn’t change that, and you’re still an idiot.)

I hate to call people idiots, but… No, wait, that’s not true.

This week, the show got gayer than ever, but in the best way possible. Quinn is adorkable (so adorkable I’m going to give him a free pass for seeing Avatar six times even though we all know once is bad enough) Sam’s big gay beard (Dear Ryan Murphy, changing the course of the Sam plot in future episodes because of spoiler damage control isn’t going to change the fact that that was the original purpose of this storyline, xoxo LaToya), even though he only admits to having colored his hair.

Now to the stuff that I actually cared about — Brittany and Santana. (Don’t worry, I’ll talk about Kurt too.)

It’s funny — in that pathetic way lots of things are when it comes to the horrible parts of Glee — that “Britney/Brittany” was basically the “Brittany S. Pierce episode” and I learned (well, it really just confirmed my head canon) more about the Brittany character in this episode than I did in that forty-plus minute music video I’m still very bitter about. Brittany and Santana’s relationship, in my opinion, is the purest, most honest relationship on the show, and if I have to get shippy about things, they are my OTP (everyone else can jump off a cliff of eternal true love for all I care). Despite moments of vulnerability with Brittany, Santana is pretty much the female Puck when it comes to her emotional retardation (well, emotions other than “jealousy” and “I need to smack a bitch”).

So from the moment Brittany suggested they sing a song that just screamed, “FOR US, SEX IS DATING! WE’RE HERE, WE’RE QUEER, AND…what else rhymes with ‘here’ and ‘queer’?” I knew no good could come from this. There was practically a flashing red light over Santana’s head and a voice on a loud speaker saying, “Danger, Will Robinson!” While Kurt is constantly looking for someone else to be out in the open with, Santana actually has that person…and is, quite frankly, scared shitless about her sexuality.

Of course, that’s not an emotion Santana does well, so crush, kill, destroy is her go to defense mechanism when she finally realizes that Brittany may have true feelings for someone else (it’s the same thing she does with Puck, but who can blame her for wanting Puckzilla all to herself, amirite?). Thankfully, that doesn’t solve her problem though, because despite the fact that she gets Wheels away from her girl, she doesn’t get her either. And then we have one of the most heart-breaking moments of the series (and certainly more emotional than single tears shed over Finn set to the music of Paramore…) — Brittany. Lady and the Tramp. Meatball. Forever Alone.

(Also, I’ve decided that when it comes to Santana, breadsticks are a metaphor for Brittany. Don’t you dare try to doubt me.)

Now I realize that the ‘Kurt is actually really creepily obsessed with Finn, and this is unhealthy — Finn already turned him down in the third episode when he was still telling people he wasn’t gay — why does no one say anything about this?’ (not to be confused with Rachel’s own ‘Rachel is actually really creepily obsessed with Finn and this is unhealthy — and did she just say they should elope?!? —  why does no one say anything about this?’) storyline was mostly played for laughs in the first season, but by the time it got completely serious in “Theatricality,” Kurt needed to be called out about his behavior. I was even more ecstatic that this happened, due to the Comic-Con situation — someone asked an intelligent question about Kurt getting absolutely zero blame in the entire Finn/Kurt situation, and he got booed.

I kind of hate this fandom, by the way.

(Though if I’d been there, I’d have asked why they want to force feed us these “endgame” relationships that really bring out the worst in the characters more often than not. I would probably get pelted with slushies in lieu of fruit.)

So that’s why I’m giving Finn a get out of jail free pass this week. We all know that Finn has this unhealthy obsession with his popularity and keeping up appearances — it’s his greatest character flaw, really and the reason for many of the problems I have with the character on a regular basis, no matter how attractive Cory Monteith is — and it’s no surprise he would act the way he did to Kurt and Sam (who don’t have the same obsession). I didn’t interpret it as an underlying homophobia, and really, Kurt was actively pursuing a guy who wasn’t interested in him at all (1. Finn was at least into Rachel when she was stalking him, and 2. Finn was right — role reversals would dictate that anyone in that position would bust out the restraining order)  I’ll also choose to ignore his reaction to Sam trying to kiss Quinn, because there’s only so many times I can talk about how Finn and Rachel just need to spare us all and break up, and really, Finn wasn’t the absolute worst this week.

But if Artie Abrams were a real person, I would push him out of his wheelchair so hard, he’d regain feeling in his legs.

Artie is not a good guy. Being in a wheelchair, rocking the sweater vests (which aren’t even as endearing as Rachel’s animal sweaters that I miss dearly and wish would come back), and wearing suspenders when he already has a belt does not make him instantly less of an ass. It makes him an ass who just so happens to be a geek, which is never good — if you’re going to be one, you really shouldn’t be the other. He wants to make Tina jealous (which doesn’t actually happen by the way, because she’s too busy being distracted by her adorable boyfriend who treats her well), by dating Brittany. Alright, Brittany wants to make Santana jealous too — it happens. He lets Brittany — who has had 30 sexual conquests, by the way — take his virginity. No protests, and he’d seem a little bit giddy if he didn’t seem so awestruck by the fact that she carried him (weren’t we all?). No big deal, right? Brittany sleeps with everyone. Puck, that guy in the cafeteria, maybe even Mike (blame my head canon from the first 13 for that one). It’s common knowledge that I’m pretty sure even Mr. Schue knows.

So… why does Artie try to slut shame her about it when he breaks up with her?

If his virginity was as precious to him as Mr. Feeny’s walking lessons, why would he give it up to her in the first place?

Yeah, I’d like an honest, intelligent answer to that any day now.

While you ponder that I have the next, and last, rant point of the episode — all of the people complaining about the sexual content on this show. I’m sorry, but nothing is going to beat “Like a Virgin” anyway — especially the part where Finn motorboats Santana — so why is this still a topic up for debate? Glee is a TV-14 program and always has been. The second episode had a joke about how lack of a gag reflex would be a blessing one day (it was the day thousands of fan fics were born, I’m sure). I’m sorry you don’t like the lesbians touching each other, but change the channel and move the hell fuck (I’m not rated TV-14) on. Most words that comes out of Ryan Murphy’s mouth are loads of crap, and him calling the show a “family show” was just one of those instances that a bunch of (I really want to say “idiots” again since it’s not like I’d lose my target demo) people happened to believe. Lack of sex in a Ryan Murphy joint is cause for alarm, if you ask me. And really, Glee should aspire to have an episode that features a musical about STDs (I miss Popular like Will misses bad rap).

/rant

In conclusion, I enjoyed this episode thoroughly, I could keep going on this subject for awhile, and my ask box is open for comments.

-LaToya (fergaliciousdef)

Glee - Season 2 Episode 3 - “Grilled Cheesus”

(I stole this screencap from thebestcardtrick. Whatcha gonna do about it?)

This week’s episode of Glee was titled “Grilled Cheesus” aka “Faith,” aka “The Kurt Gives Me Tears For Years and Puck Proves He’s a Better Person Than Finn Power Hour.” 

I might as well start this off by informing you all that I am an atheist. I don’t believe in God, I don’t plan on believing in God, and no amount of praying for and singing to me is going to make me believe in God.

I do, however, believe in the writing of my own personal Jesus, Glee executive producer Brad Falchuk. (Slick segue, right?) You have no idea how relieved I was to find out that he would be penning this episode instead of Ian Brennan or (thank metaphorical god) Ryan Murphy. Religion is a sensitive topic, and subtlety isn’t exactly something that the Glee writers are known for — but at least the one who’s best for the emotionally resonant moments was able to take the reigns this week.

Having said all of that, I’ll try to be slightly less offensive than I usually am in my reviews. I can’t get any worse than I already do when I write about 90210, right? Plus, since I wasn’t as invested in this episode as I was last week’s, there was less chance of disappointment.

There wasn’t a big focus on Will this week, which was probably for the best (for me, at least) after last week’s disaster/debacle/most any d-word with a negative connotation will suffice, I guess. This was a Kurt and Finn episode — which is so much better without that pesky Kurt pining over Finn thing — that probably sealed the deal for Chris Colfer having a second Emmy nomination.

Unsurprisingly, the Kurt/Burt relationship has been beautifully handled from day one — Kurt is mini-Ryan Murphy, and if there’s any character Ryan will keep from screwing up (or at least actively try to keep from screwing up), it’s Kurt. People wanted to see them interact in a way that wasn’t related to Kurt’s sexuality, and they got their wish.

It landed Burt in a coma (lite). I hope they’re happy.

Finn saw Jesus in a grilled cheese sandwich. So he called the sandwich “Grilled Cheesus.” He used it to get to second base. I’ll talk about that later. 

Kurt’s religious struggle stance in the episode was that of atheism. He wasn’t forcing his beliefs down anyone’s throat (cough Mercedes cough) and he wasn’t suggesting that they dedicate their weekly assignment to atheism (like Finn). But since that doesn’t make for conflict on its own, the rest of the glee club has to disrespect Kurt’s wishes in regards to praying for his father (his wishes were for them to not, of course). So as you can probably tell, Kurt was rightfully upset throughout this entire episode, and while I don’t think the intent was to villainize him in any way, the way the glee club responds to Kurt having the religion cut out of the club (as it should be — separation of church and state, yo) and how you can practically hear the cheers of “Hooray! SUCCESS!” as Kurt agrees to go to Mercedes’ church, we get the sense that Kurt is in the wrong here.

(And just fyi, from personal experience — just because a black church seems like fun, what with the hats and the singing and dancing and all that jazz, that doesn’t make forced, or even just politely coerced, to go any better. In fact, it has quite the opposite effect.)

Sue Sylvester, the “villain” of the show, is mostly in the same position as Kurt this episode, but her journey to the side of the light is the result of an honest conversation with her sister, not the unnecessary cover tunes of self-centered students.

Surprisingly, the one character you would think would be front and center in an episode about religion — Mary of Nazareth Quinn Fabray — only had a few little moments, one of which was her giving Finn the crazy eyes once he tells the club that he’s down with G-O-D. Of course she was all for religion in glee club. I doubt she would feel the same if it weren’t specifically her religion, but we’ll never know, since she doesn’t have the baby excuse to take up screentime anymore.

For the first time this season, I actually got the impression that Rachel was acting in a way that wasn’t all about her or her completely unhealthy relationship with Finn. Yes, it involved her channeling her inner Barbra, but I truly believe she was actually thought it would help — I mean, if Rachel Berry belting a ballad (and she’ll tell you herself that she is a wonderful balladeer) at you won’t wake you up from a coma, what will? Plus, I’ve never gotten the impression that she has anything against Kurt personally (despite, you know, the things), so it’s nice we didn’t have her acting like the psycho of the past two episodes who would probably just ignore Kurt’s pain in order to sing “Papa Can You Hear Me?” in glee club. Whether you hate or love the character, this was the first time this season she was completely herself — still self-observed but with the best of intentions — and it was the closest we got to just Rachel, slightly separate from her relationship with Finn (even if she did bring him to the cemetery park with her).

Now about Finn. Finn, Finn, Finn. On the one hand, his plot brings the humor necessary in a show that sometime erroneously classifies itself as a comedy. If we hadn’t had this “grilled cheesus” plot, we most likely would’ve had another “Home” incident — forty-plus minutes of depression, tears, and Rachel Berry only having one and a half lines. (Unpopular opinion: I actually love “Home,” and “One Less Bell to Answer/A House Is Not a Home” is the single best music number of the series.)

But on the other hand, his plot highlights the flaws in his character (mainly his oblivious — only not really — selfishness) and his relationship with Rachel (three for three in the now classic game, “Why Are Finn and Rachel Even TOGETHER?!?”). The thought of praying for Burt doesn’t even come to his tiny mind until Puck mentions that’s what he’s been doing.

Now I know what you’re thinking. Why do guys like Finn and Will get so much flack for every little mistake they make, while Puck is considered a saint despite all of his actions from the past? (And that’s a question that could be asked about Rachel and Quinn, as well.)

Finn and Will are supposed to be the good guys. Yes, they can make mistakes, but as long as they learn their lesson and are punished (for lack of a better word) it’s alright. But here’s the thing — the writers don’t punish them for their bad behavior. They’re often times rewarded for it.

At the risk of starting a whole other rant that can be better articulated elsewhere (you should just skip this if you don’t want to read me be a broken record), let me direct your attention to their roles in Quinn/Finn/Rachel and Terri/Will/Emma. The former actually physically cheated on his girlfriend, but since he never made the commitment of marrying her, I’ll take the opinion that it’s not as bad as the emotional affair of the latter. Either way, at the end of the story (the “end” being “Journey” and “Sectionals,” respectively), they get the girl, even though the only thing stopping them from “having” her in the first place was themselves.

So Finn feels a little guilty about Sam getting injured…but it gets him back his beloved position of quarterback as well as Sam to eventually join (spoiler alert) New Directions. The guilt most likely won’t be there next week, and it probably didn’t last past him eating that disgusting grilled cheese sandwich. Hooray for character growth?

So the reason Puck gets a free pass instead of Finn? He says things like this, sincerely:

Puck: It seems to me that true spirituality, or whatever you want to call it, is about enjoying the life that you’ve been given.

Amen.

-LaToya (fergaliciousdef)

Glee - Season 2 Episode 2 - “Britney/Brittany”

(Note: I got stuck writing about Glee when I was deemed the only one out of the three original reviewers who could talk about the show without absolute disdain. After “Britney/Brittany,” that’s no longer the case, and it explains why this turned into a verbose rant.)

How do you screw up a Britney Spears tribute episode? Well, there are steps, you see:

1. You legally change your name to Ryan Murphy if you weren’t born as such.
2. You repeat the major mistake you made with your previous tribute episode (for example, “The Power of Madonna”) — song overload in place of a real plot.*
3. You take THE iconic Britney Spears song, and despite having a rather large cast that could sing it while actually adding a new story to the show, you give the song to someone whose voice it obviously doesn’t suit in order to re-hash something that will be the unnecessary focal point of the entire season.

(*I’m sure he likes to hear himself speak, but does Ryan Murphy actually even listen to the words he says?** You’d think the number of times he’d said in interviews that ‘the plot dictates the music’ while writing an episode would stick in his head, but apparently not.

**Still waiting for his definitions of “intimate” and “less songs” for this season. The real definitions would mean that he’s doing it wrong.)

There was some good though, so I’ll start with that, because it’s quite less than the bad (which is indicative of what’s bad with the entire series).

Most of us have known from (her) day one that Heather Morris is, for lack of a better word, “fierce” when it comes to dancing. Whole performances have been replayed for the simple fact  that the first time watching was focused on watching Heather dancing in the background. Hell, she was the MVP of the “Bust Your Windows” number from “Acafellas.” Seeing her do her stuff in “I’m a Slave 4 U” was a thing of beauty, even though the only possible reasoning behind the little children backup dancers would have to be that her elementary school boyfriend Wes Brody dumped her and she was on the rebound. Then, the “Me Against the Music” number not only undoubtedly made a few more straight females question their sexuality, but it was full of little easter eggs, with blink and you’ll miss them cameos from Puck, Rachel, Finn, Kurt, and Telly (King of the Production Assistants on the show). Sexy, fun, endlessly entertaining.

Just like John Stamos. He… He just needs to stay on this show forever, with or without Emma. Seriously. This is an example of a guest star and character who fits on the show. (Spoiler alert: Gwyneth Paltrow will not fit in this category.) Carl the dentist is that perfect mixture of dreamy and most likely not on the up and up (methinks he was having to much fun pumping these children full of anesthesia), and he’s already too good for this world.

Kind of like Kurt. Now, I don’t worship at the altar of Kurt Hummel or Chris Colfer, but Kurt snapping at Will in this episode was just a beautiful thing. It was amazing and actually a long-time coming — Rachel’s not the only one with the right to behave like a diva toward Will. The breaking point shouldn’t have just been about Will being uptight though — a real Will Schuester rant could probably sustain an entire act of the show.

Quinn helping out Rachel in this episode was lovely…until you remember that she sold out her (former) best friend who trusted her enough to confide in her about her ridiculous plot device boob job last week in order to get a spot on the Cheerios that she is undeserving of. Or you realize just how horrible Rachel is for not taking into consideration Quinn’s residual feelings for Finn. Or you realize how during that stupid Paramore song, Quinn looks at Puck as her “only exception,” so the writers need to decide if she still wants Finn or if she even likes Puck (which she doesn’t, but damn if they won’t force us into believing she does). Or you go back to the initial scene where Quinn is momentarily lovely and try to figure out at what point did she ever get enough good will toward Rachel to even partake in the plan.

Oh, I can see I’ve already delved into the land of all that is wrong with this episode and series. (So really, the only good was Brittany/Santana, Stamos, and Kurt.) First, plot.

There literally was no plot.

This wasn’t like “The Power of Madonna,” which was all about sex and…well, that was it really. But at least we can define the episode as such.

So what was the plot of this episode?

And don’t say Britney Spears. Much like Madonna, this was the plot device. If you ask the casual viewer, Britney Spears will be the answer. That shouldn’t be the case for an actual fan or anyone who’s seen all or most of the episodes.

The episode focus was on Brittany, Will, and Finchel (for those unaware, Finchel is the portmanteau for Finn and Rachel, who have ceased to have functions and real personalities outside of their relationship bubble this season). Artie had a fantasy solo, but there was never any real focus on his story (thank god), and Kurt’s increasing challenging of Will’s authority was far more compelling.

Okay, there was no plot. What was the theme then? Every episode has to have an underlying theme, right? It’s just a rule of television really, and Glee is often so on the nose about it, you wish you could forget that. For as much as the episode “Home” used the word “home,” you’re not going to tell me it didn’t stick with you. So what was the theme of “Britney/Brittany”?

…

Hey, let’s move on to characters, shall we?

Let me just start by saying, I know I say I want Glee to be dark, but Jacob Ben Israel masturbating twice in the episode made me think that maybe Ryan forgot that he’s no longer writing for Nip/Tuck (since it’s dead, because he feels the need to destroy everything that he creates). And since it’s still preachy lesson after preachy lesson on a weekly basis, we don’t need this on a “family show” (this was ‘less family friendly’ than “Like a Virgin” and the inevitable Brittany/Santana kiss) like Glee.

Speaking of preachy lesson after preachy lesson, you know how everybody said that Rachel was acting out of character in last week’s episode, and I basically told them they were wrong and deserved to be sent to an inactive crackhouse along with (the insignificant character whose name has, sadly, not been changed from) Sunshine? Well this week, I can honestly say that Rachel Berry is no longer Rachel Berry. In fact, I’ll say the same for Finn Hudson, and we can just retroactively concur that Rachel and Finn’s union made them susceptible to demonic possession.

Finn was already on my last nerve in the teaser of “Audition.” Instead of finding the laughs in his obvious annoyance with Rachel, I found myself asking why he’s even with her if he can’t stand her at all. He laughs when Brittany and Santana make fun of her. At the end of the episode, when he’s talking to them by his locker, all I could think is, “oh, he can have a perfectly innocent conversation with Santana…after he tells Rachel he did the nasty with her and lied about it.”

But Rachel? As a Rachel apologist, I can’t even tell you how much I wanted to strangle her with her owl sweater until it either shut her up for good or exorcised the demon. Ryan Murphy said he wanted to show what a girl like Rachel would be like once she finally got the guy she really wanted. I was annoyed at the time because I knew it would be boring, but that was way before I knew it would also mean Rachel becoming the anti-Christ.

She is also now Terri 2.0 in the ‘Will and Finn are the same person’ part of the show, meaning that the entire first season — where she was the Emma and Quinn the Terri — makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. Much like this show in general now.

“Britney/Brittany” also marks the moment where I officially, 100% hate the character of William Schuester. I have no more sympathy for the character anymore, and every bad thing that happens to him, he deserves. He has never more been more patronizing until now. Part of the reason Emma broke up with him in the first place — other than the fact that he’s a slut and nobody’s safe — was that he didn’t seem to realize just how difficult it was for her to see a therapist and attempt to overcome her OCD. Here, she mentions her minor steps (which are actually major for her) to recovery, and the entire time, Will is completely condescending to her. Why she even still talks to the guy is beyond me though. We’re meant to see him as a prize, but nobody wins when the “prize” is a guy who yells at his ex-wife about the fact that they are divorced and then smirks approximately half a second after at the woman he had an emotional affair with.

Will using the glee club to try to relive his glory days got tired by the third episode of the show. It’s always been pathetic that he peaked in high school (and the flashback in “Dream On” shows that his peak was still low), but do we need to constantly be reminded of how pathetic? I was perfectly content with him performing with the club when I thought it would be a fantasy sequence like the other numbers.

Remember how April Rhodes is supposed to be the hot mess that Will shows the light? The fact that even she drunkenly figured out that it’s the kids’ time to shine now and not her’s (or Will’s) in “The Rhodes Not Taken” makes her an infinitely better candidate for glee club director than Will. Truthfully, it actually makes her a person than him too, which is easy anyway, because he’s not that great of a person as it is…

And he has horrible taste in music.

Now on to the character I’m supposed to like because he has a disability.

Artie is not endearing. He’s a jerk. He has been since T-T-Tina revealed that her stutter was fake in “Wheels.” Just because he half-assed apologized in “The Power of Madonna” for being a completely sexist pig (he still had problems with the way Tina dressed and looked — he just apologized because she yelled at him and so he could pretend to learn some crappy lesson that Mr. Schuester thought could be taught from a crappy rendition of “What It Feels Like For a Girl”)*** In “Dream On,” he was the one that was so determined to walk, even though he blamed Tina for his persistence — never once did Tina say “you have to try to walk.” She only got into it when he got so excited about the fact, and she actually tried to stop him before he fell and this happened. Then he spent all summer play Halo, and the only movie he would watch is Coming Home (because he’s in a wheelchair and we should feel sorry for him). The only leg Artie has to stand on (only not really, because he can’t stand) is the fact that Tina kissed Mike at Asian Camp (it hurts my soul to even type “Asian Camp”).

(***Let’s not even get into the fact that Finn said they “just have to make it right with the girls.” They didn’t have to perform it in front of them, just give apologies for whatever they pissed the girl off for. Even though Kurt, Mike, and Matt didn’t do anything wrong. And Puck most likely didn’t apologize to Quinn for, I don’t know, knocking her up. All he did in the episode was coin the terms “Puckzilla” and “Finnessa” anyway.)

So, riddle me this: why the hell am I supposed to be rooting for the guy when he 1. sings “Stronger” (rolling along in a wheelchair on a football field is not a replacement for the chair dance from that music video) and 2. has officially landed the dumbest storyline on the show by being on the football team? Friday Night Lights fans, I’ve seen every episode, but I might have just blocked something that ridiculous out of my memory — did Jason Street ever play for the Panthers again after he got paralyzed? I mean, he was their star quarterback, and he actually had abs, so he had to have been put back on the team, right?

No. The answer to all of those questions are no. Because even when Landry’s killing people with lead pipes, Friday Night Lights would never do something as dumb as Glee is doing with this Artie/football thing. There’s the fantasy world in which Glee resides where bathrooms have autotune and hallways have wind machines, and then there’s this.

Also, It’s gotten to the point where Puck — you know, the guy who knocked up Quinn when she was dating Finn and last season and just made that Helen Keller/women can’t drive joke last week — is the only decent straight guy left (not counting Mike and Sam, because they’re guest stars…and Sam’s still a little iffy on the “straight” part) on the show other than Burt Hummel. And that’s only because they don’t let him speak anymore except to ask the obvious questions about a new character’s huge mouth or why the hell everyone is fantasizing about Britney Spears about 10 years too late.

I’ve fallen out of the spell of Glee’s flashiness in place of substance, and it’s a shame that it was an episode that was actually a great in highlighting the strengths of two of my favorite characters (Brittany and Santana).

The worst part of this whole episode though? This was the only thing I was looking forward to for this entire sophomore season, and now I don’t plan on re-watching this episode for a long time, if ever.

-LaToya (fergaliciousdef)

Glee - Season 2 Episode 1 - “Audition”

So Glee — also known as the show I love but mostly hate — is back, everyone. I found myself both excited and apathetic before the season began, but that’s mostly completely because next week’s Britney Spears episode is the only thing I care about this season. All of my favorite characters are getting screwed over this season, so I no longer care. I’m petty that way.

The episode opens with a ‘What Glee did for it’s summer vacation’-esque segment, led by everyone’s favorite (?) extremely creepy and socially awkward Jewfro, Jacob Ben Israel. Rachel was overbearing (so her summer was the same as the rest of the seasons) and in a hirlwind (read, “dull”) relationship with Finn (who is still obsessed with popularity and still has a thing for girls who control him instead of actually make him happy). Asian and Other Asian — aka Tina Cohen-Chang and Mike Chang — got together at Asian camp (that’s a thing) because, 1.) they’re Asian, in case you didn’t know, 2.) Tina finally got wise to the fact that Artie’s a horrible boyfriend…and can’t even walk (but that part is more my hang-up than Tina’s), and 3.) Mike Chang has the kind of abs that dreams are made of.

To all of you fanfic writers who made Tina and Mike relatives… That’s got to be kind of awkward now, doesn’t it?

Puck got a vasectomy, because he’s still not smart enough to realize that condoms are his friend. Quinn became a zombie, because the lack of Drizzle Beth and the fresh start with her mom took away the two thing she had going for her in the back nine — being all-knowing maternal!Quinn and being an honorary African-American courtesy of Mercedes. Santana got a boob job and Brittany got lost in a sewers, which are both completely ridiculous, because we’re supposed to believe that S & B (oh god, Gossip Girl is everywhere) didn’t spend the the summer together. Chil’ please! Mercedes and Kurt spent the summer… Ah, who knows and who cares? Their story isn’t relevant until episode three.

Now that that’s all out of the way, I can talk about the only thing I cared about in this episode other than Santana beating the crap out of Quinn.

Rachel Berry — the most controversial part of the episode. Yup. The entire character of Rachel Berry — the girl who wears animal sweaters — was the most controversial part of the episode.

I’m sure most of you watching this episode were asking yourselves the question, “why was Rachel so unsympathetic and psychotic?” Well there are two answers for that:

1. That sometimes happens when you watch an episode of Ian Brennan’s Glee. See also “The Rhodes Not Taken” (Rachel’s horrible until she realizes she needs “friends” who still hate her guts…all while wearing a horse sweater) and “Bad Reputation” (Rachel’s horrible until she realizes that being “musically promiscuous” isn’t a thing…all while wearing an owl sweater). There’s a pattern.
2. I don’t understand the question and I won’t respond to it.

Sadly, Rachel didn’t wear an animaI sweater in this episode, but the sentiment from the first point remains the same.

I for one was all for this Rachel. It’s bad enough the writers always feel the need to force her to learn a “lesson,” so I wish to at least bask in all her glory pre-moral (what are morals, anyway?) bitch slap.

Other than the fact that I’m clearly a borderline sociopath, I support this Rachel because it reminds me of Pilot!Rachel who got Sandy Ryerson fired. It reminds me of the original Glee that was a dark and satiric play on the teen genre and not just another after school special. It also reminds me that since being a team player doesn’t get Rachel anywhere and Mr. Schuester and the glee club members still all treat her like crap either way, she might as well just state the obvious — New Directions (of Rachel Berry and The New Directions) is lost without her, and bitches ain’t shit. People want old Glee back? Well old Glee was dark, and it made sense that Ryan Murphy was behind this show. Ryan Murphy and “sympathetic characters” have no business even being in the same damn sentence.

Plus, if I had the chance, I’d send Sunshine (and Charice herself, for that matter) to a inactive (I don’t see what the big deal was either) crackhouse too. Hell, I’d help Rachel come up with the plan. Them’s the brakes, kid.

It’s the Rachel Berry show, don’t you know?

It’s also apparently the super meta show too, at least for this episode. There were comments about Lea Michele’s diva behavior, Matthew Morrison’s rapping, autotune, and gayness. Sadly, this episode was written and produced too late to have a meta comment about vandalizing a ex boyfriend’s non-existent Lexus, but that’s probably for the best.

Oh, and as previously mentioned, there was a lot of stuff about Asians too.

But I found myself not knowing how to respond to the meta-ness of the episode. Like, how meta is too meta? Even though Ryan Murphy and company clearly heard all of these things that fans and critics alike where saying, what are the chances they (and by “they,” I just mean Ryan — he’s the decider and all) actually listened to any of these comments. How long are we going to have to wait for Mr. Schuester to bust another move? Hopefully not long — something has to top “The Thong Song” in horribleness eventually, and “Empire State of Mind” just doesn’t cut it. In fact, for all that was wrong with “Empire State of Mind,” it still had more choreography and group integration than New Directions’ entire Regionals performance.

Kurt, aka mini-Ryan Murphy, also made the comment that if people (specifically the people online, like us) have something to say, they should just say it to his face. Well I say, challenge accepted, Ryan Murphy. I’d be more than willing to have a very, very long conversation about every problem I have with this show and your previous shows. I think you’d find they have one definitive common denominator.

Musical numbers. That’s the common denominator.

What, did you think I was going to say Ryan Murphy himself?

(Because I was.)

-LaToya (fergaliciousdef)